Tuesday, February 20, 2007
my chinese new year wish: freedom.trust. get rid of my stinking rash character.
pri sch. i was considered naughty. i guess. lied to THEM and went to peace center or plaza singapura to eat, play and all the shit. i grew up in sec sch being too obedient and naive. i guess thats the root to my misery now. i believed that if i listened to THEM, one fine day, soon, THEY will give me some freedom to go out with friends and all. but that day never came. if only i was a little more defiant, perhaps by now, they would have ,lost hope in me and let me do whatever i want. i guess thats how most of my friends got out of that problem of freedom in sec sch. as hard as my friends could persuade me to go out, somehow i didnt dare nor had the courage to take the firt step and go out. for THEY made me believe if i could show THEM that i was able to be obediant and could be trusted, THEY would let me out. im sick of the.. when ure 16, after O's, when ure 18. oh. come on. IM NINETEEN. give me a break. till today, YOU ALL have to call me and give me a lecture about going out. please. YOU ALL are making me doubtful that i can even have REAL freedom ar the age of 21. im 2 years from that stage, but im not having what a fractoin of the amount of freedom others are having.i want YOU ALL to know. that money is not everything. giving me whatever i want is not everything. ive had the opportunity to travel to many countries already. dont say. "girl ar. mama give u all whatever u all want, where u all want to go, i save money and bring u all. but u all must listen to me" i thank god i have u all. im grateful for whatever u all have done for me. however, its not everything. TRUST and FREEDOM is what i really long for. for i feel that im not being trusted enough to go out. im not even askin to stay at a friend's place or anth. i just dont want to be questioned so much when i go out. andi dont even go out often. do u noe how embarassing it is for me to turn down friends every time they ask me out? and IF i go out, i always leave early. is that not good enough? i bet pple are making a mockery that ive got no life and all. can u all be more understanding, trust me and give me the freedom that every teenager has? u noe, if i look back on my teenage days, apart from school, i dont remember anth. no thrills. nth but, home, school. school home. school is the only place i make friends. w/o school, i think i can just go and die. i also thank god. that despite not hanging round my friends after school or anth, many do not look down upon me but still keep me updated with things and i still have them to count for in times of troubles.and. i wanna get rid of the foul temper of mine. i think its better now. but i still dont like it. i do things in a rash and den regret it. wat a bitch i am. lastly, i dont know if i still have a best friend or what. that incident made me realise that i shouldnt depend too much on pple and for now, i dont feel like getting to know new pple to well. i dont want to know their flaws and start hating them nor do i want to suffer another attack of shit. however, i wanna thank michelle tan for being there for me. despite me not answering her on msn and her calls, she tried ways to make me smile. even though she didnt noe what was wrong. just her thought and what she tried really makes me smile. such a good friend. just those assurance that when ure in need, there is someone there for u is comforting. mic tan. I LOVE YOU! =)thats about this long post. ill reply tags soon. rather lazy.
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1:38 PM
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